Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Duck Duck Cougar?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
