Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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