if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
