Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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