Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
