i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
someone owes me an orgasm
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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