he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
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