you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
