Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
