dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
