Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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