we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize