i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
