those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
