Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
