Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
