Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize