Tell her she can't have a vagina
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize