i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
