So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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