I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
