The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
