call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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