why didn't you poke me back
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
