Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Found your dick twin last night
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
