No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
