I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
