The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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