420 ftw
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
