If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
