If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
