WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
then he tried to convert me to islam
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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