Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
