I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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