The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
