what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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