Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
