bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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