so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
