I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
