38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
