I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
