I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
