a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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