i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
