areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
