those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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