Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
