I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
