see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm just crazy horny about you
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
