would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
