Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
