he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
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