i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
