Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
