i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
