did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
