my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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