Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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