Pregnant stripper...not hot.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
