then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize