I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
