the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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