I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I just want nice things and good sex
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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