How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
