Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
You smell like stripper and shame
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
